Monday, June 22, 2015

Hey there!

I know I haven't been on here much lately, but I've definitely been thinking of things to write. And then I do, and then I don't write. It's odd, I know.
Ever since I was a wee sass I have looked to writing as a type of meditation-but given that I haven't really been meditating in the traditional sense lately I guess it is no wonder I haven't been writing here either.

There has been so much change this year.
I feel like I can hardly get my feet on solid ground-but I keep trying-that counts for something right?
I firmly believe that even difficult changes (especially difficult changes) lead to positive outcomes-and even though I totally don't "get" that yet I have full faith that it will happen.

so for right now I just sit here with my faith-and wait to see what my new normal looks like. I feel as though loss is a freezing (for self preservation) and grief is a thawing out. I kid you not, there is part of me that is dumbfounded by summer advertising on tv because in my mind its only February (the month when my Nani passed away). Calendar wise I am still there. People ask me what my plans are for the 4th of July and I blink a couple times and end up saying "I'll see you next year".  I feel as though I am just going to have to give myself this year to embrace change, recalibrate my life and then 2016 I will go about with my normal type A self.

Until then I will just ride this wave, this season of life-because when it comes down to it, I have no choice. I will hunker down and learn about myself and what this year is trying to teach me. (one lesson being-I need to learn how to ask for help-its not a weakness-it just is).

If you've made it this far-meaning: the length of this post or the age of this blog; I thank you-this has been more helpful than you know.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Moving on Up!

A couple weeks ago Jon and I got an email from our landlord letting us know that the 2 bedroom apartment above us is available to rent and would we like to move in to it. Without even hesitating we replied yes! As I've said to oblivion on here-I HATE clutter...haaaaate it. So it hasn't been too hard to live in a (junior) one bedroom for the most part. But we are kinda at the point where we feel as though we are stepping on one another even though we are living with the essentials. 

I'm excited for the move-I really don't mind moving all that much but I just feel like this year is throwing me curveballs all over the place!! I'm trying to trust and embrace the change (after all it is the only reliable thing on life) but even still-it's a lot. So now we are in the haze of picking out paint colors, signing leases, physical therapy for Frank, missing my Nani like crazy, continuing to build my business-and oh yeah Jon starts a new job on Monday. 

Have you had any changes come your way lately?

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Stories From the Crate

Good news: Frank is feeling much better, is learning to walk on three legs and is acting more like himself!
Bad news: His mind is back to itself(still good!) but we have to keep him constrained for two weeks post surgery. 

It's Wednesday and we have 9 more days of strict crate rest and he is already sooooo over it. I mean I am pretty sure I have heard him swear at me. 

For the most part I have stayed calm and positive-he really is getting better everyday! BUT there is also a lot of guilt because I have to enforce so many if these rules he can't understand and rules he hates might I add. And I feel terrible about the fact that I brought him to the vet last week to have this horrible procedure done-blergh guys blergh!

Jon has been excellent at helping me keep my calm but with me still dealing with my grief over Nani and having to deal with Frank's recovery-sometimes I crack! Like last night for instance, our anniversary no less-I was sobbing over our Chipotle and champagne!

I'm so not myself these days. I know this is a really rough patch and it isn't forever-but in the meantime...ugh. Just ugh. 

Design by Custom Blog Designs/FreeStyleMama Creations