"Bad news never has good timing"
-John Mayer

This past Tuesday I found myself in the parking lot of a restaurant that both mine and Jon's family have been going to for years, it was the site of dates, birthday celebrations, lazy summer days. I was in search of comfort food. I sat in my car with the windows rolled down and breathed in the air of what was a warm day. The air on a day like that is so healing, the smell reminds me of being a little girl. I can smell orange blossoms, grass and the unique smell of the night sky turning a warm day into a crisp night. These are just some of the things that I appreciate about being home. They are things that truly make me feel "home", safe, protected.

And yet, here I sat with all of these reminders of good times wrapping themselves around me and I sobbed. These simple things that I would normally consider more than enough mutely stood by because life was anything but simple these days and it would take something short of a miracle to make things alright. You see, we had received the news the day before from Jon's dad's doctors that there was nothing more they could do for him and that at their best guess, there was only weeks to possible months left. The only way to describe hearing news like this is to compare it to getting the wind knocked out of you. I am aware of how cliche that sounds but I guess there is a reason why cliches are just that-because there is some identifiable truth in them.

Our wedding is one month away and instead of sharing an excited anticipation akin to Christmas morning, we are sharing a dread that is hard to describe. Many times this past week Jon and I will look at one another and have trouble believing that this is part of our reality. Things that we wished to never have to speak of, things we never wanted to do are no longer a choice. They just are.

The only saving grace in all of this heartache? Love. Its that simple. Love for one another, love for things that are going well, love for the strength that we have no choice but to bring forth, love for the time we have shared and the time we have left. We are wholly surrounded by love. We have friends that are offering everything from shoulders to cry on to legal advice. And no matter what is offered, it is exactly what is needed. And that is really the only thing I know for certain, but in a way I am ok with that.

Acne Update: Sinister Soy

Oh goodness.
So I have had some great luck with the dermalogic duo that is the Clarisonic Mia and giving up dairy. Really I was pleased as punch! I was kinda feeling as though maybe there was some actual progress in my skin saga.

UNTIL

I ordered a chai latte (which is a rare occurrence around these parts) and instead of soy the barista accidentally put in REAL milk. Now, I haven't had real milk in ages so I wasn't sure if the chai just tasted different at that coffee place or if it was milk. So I drank most of it and all of a sudden was face to face with the realization that the rumbling in my tummy was the result of real milk. YOWZA!

The following week my skin acted out with the vengeance that only skin that doesn't tolerate dairy can do. But it wasn't so bad because I half expected the backlash. So I went on with daily life and I noticed that as soon as those break outs disappeared new breakouts appeared. Well that was curious....

So I tried to harness all the patience I had and kept applying tea tree oil to the new blemishes. (I think I forgot to mention that I have been using tea tree oil on my acne to dry it out instead of popping those suckers because I am starting to scar). But those cystic breakouts kept showing up as soon as the previous ones would disappear.

I searched my mind for things that I was doing differently, I was determined to not let my face get taken over by these cysts again! So I racked my brain...what had I done differently since the chai incident....and then it clicked, I started making smoothies! I of course wasn't using real milk but I was using soy milk. Could it be that soy milk is the culprit? Huh.

So I did some research of the internet variety and saw that other people were having issues with breakouts after using soy milk. So saga of acne struggles continues. Can we keep all of our fingers crossed that I figure it out before the wedding. Because it would be nice to not have to worry about these big ole zits on my wedding day.

They Eyes Have It

So remember how I told you I was experimenting with new mascaras? Well last week I decided to branch out again and try another mascara since I wasn't totally enamored with my most recent choice. Well guess what? It totally backfired on me.

I tried the mascara on the day of my bridal shower, washed it off that night and woke up the next day with swollen eyelids. Then I woke up on Tuesday and they got even bigger. See for yourself.
My eyes were so swollen-not just on top but also swollen underneath. Now when looking at it one eye at a time it doesn't seem as bad does it? Now check out both eyes together...warning, it looks baaaaad!

Yowza right?! Well I had to deal with these puffy eyes for the whole week. Ack, so uncomfortable! This had happened once before years ago but apparently it is a weird allergy to certain mascaras that I haven't outgrown.

Do you have any odd allergies? Do tell...please I am feeling like a designer dog over here.