Sunday, March 11, 2012

"Bad news never has good timing"
-John Mayer

This past Tuesday I found myself in the parking lot of a restaurant that both mine and Jon's family have been going to for years, it was the site of dates, birthday celebrations, lazy summer days. I was in search of comfort food. I sat in my car with the windows rolled down and breathed in the air of what was a warm day. The air on a day like that is so healing, the smell reminds me of being a little girl. I can smell orange blossoms, grass and the unique smell of the night sky turning a warm day into a crisp night. These are just some of the things that I appreciate about being home. They are things that truly make me feel "home", safe, protected.

And yet, here I sat with all of these reminders of good times wrapping themselves around me and I sobbed. These simple things that I would normally consider more than enough mutely stood by because life was anything but simple these days and it would take something short of a miracle to make things alright. You see, we had received the news the day before from Jon's dad's doctors that there was nothing more they could do for him and that at their best guess, there was only weeks to possible months left. The only way to describe hearing news like this is to compare it to getting the wind knocked out of you. I am aware of how cliche that sounds but I guess there is a reason why cliches are just that-because there is some identifiable truth in them.

Our wedding is one month away and instead of sharing an excited anticipation akin to Christmas morning, we are sharing a dread that is hard to describe. Many times this past week Jon and I will look at one another and have trouble believing that this is part of our reality. Things that we wished to never have to speak of, things we never wanted to do are no longer a choice. They just are.

The only saving grace in all of this heartache? Love. Its that simple. Love for one another, love for things that are going well, love for the strength that we have no choice but to bring forth, love for the time we have shared and the time we have left. We are wholly surrounded by love. We have friends that are offering everything from shoulders to cry on to legal advice. And no matter what is offered, it is exactly what is needed. And that is really the only thing I know for certain, but in a way I am ok with that.

11 comments:

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Oh I am so sorry you guys are going through this. How heart breaking. I can not even imagine. :( I am glad that you have each other to lean on during this time, though.

Carly Smith Hohl said...

Sarah,

I am so, so sorry.

Raven said...

Oh sweetheart, I long for the "right" things to say or do (even though I know there is no such thing) so in the meantime, I'll just keep looking for things to provide you with small bouts of laughter or smiles. I'm here whenever you need me.

Love to you both.

Ashley // Our Little Apartment said...

Oh, Sarah. This is just so unfair. I'm can't imagine the kinds of emotions you are feeling. Being there for Jon as he grieves, grieving yourself...and dealing with the wedding on top of all of this. :( :(

You guys are in my thoughts.

TUWABVB said...

I'm so sorry for all you are going through - I've been thinking about you and John and your families every day. I hope that you find peace and support and love in every moment. Please let us know if you need anything.

Kallie said...

Thinking and praying for y'all!
((Hugs))

Linda said...

Sarah,

I am so sorry that you and Jon are going through this, especially right before your wedding. Like Raven said above, there are no right words to say right now, just know that I am thinking about you both and praying for you.

sarah marie p said...

Sarah,
I'm so, so sorry that you're going through this right now. Like others have said, I wish there was a perfect thing to say. I wish that somehow the doctors are wrong ... Thinking of you, Jon & his family. XOXO

Talia said...

I am so, so sorry to hear of this heartache for you guys... it just breaks my heart, especially with the timing of it all. You'll be in my prayers. I hope you can find peace and some joy even in the midst of it all. <3 <3

Elizabeth said...

>>We are wholly surrounded by love.<<

As I told Al today, I really do believe that the universe is swirling love around you guys today.

As awful as today is and as sad as I feel for you all, there's a also a huge part of me that sees how lucky you all are to have each other, and how lucky I am to call you all my friends.

xo.

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you and Jon and your families. Obviously it would never be a good time for something like this to happen but a month before your wedding makes it worse on so many levels I'm sure. Sending good thoughts your way. XO

 

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